Summary
While most Soulslikes have you swinging around legendary swords or all kinds of other amazing weaponry, sometimes the designs (intentionally, most of the time) get a bit silly. Sure, a giant hammer can be a very fun weapon to use in these games, but one that’s double the size of the player model is a bit, well…ridiculous.
Let’s look a bit deeper into this genre and see what wacky, gimmicky, or just straight-up ridiculous weapons pop up. Soulslike fans may be shocked to see just how many examples there are.
Let’s start things off with the game franchise thatliterally popularized the ‘Soulslike’ genre,Dark Souls. From Software has never been afraid to add over-the-top weapons to any of its games. Players can use things like ladles, dragon teeth, pickaxes, and even gigantic logs as weapons, with most of these weapons ranging from being viable to use to just actually amazing.
However, inDark Souls 1at least, nothing beats the Bonewheel Shield when it comes to practicality versus absurdity. The Bonewheel Skeletons were already ridiculous enough as enemies both in their visuals and how shockingly strong they were, but they’re still powerful even when used as a shield. Because players can ‘spin’ the shield to attack with it, this weapon is alsoactually very beginner-friendlysince works well with both an offensive or defensive playstyle.
Moving on toDark Souls 2, this game has an astonishing amount of weapons in it (over 220, at least) so obviously there are going to be some more over-the-top or silly weapons mixed in there. And while things like the Gyrm Great Hammer (a literal anvil on a stick) or the Butcher’s Knife are so huge it feels almost ironic, neither of them comes close to the ‘chicken drumstick’ looking weapon that is the Smelter Hammer. This failed (and now melted) axe is quite literally just a gigantic lump of metal, and when a player manages to dual-wield two of these things, there’s nothing in the game that looks more ridiculous.
The Fume Ultra Greatsword that appears first inDark Souls 2and then appears again inDark Souls 3is probably one of the most absurd weapons From Software has ever made. Not only does this gigantic ‘sword’ somehow manage to make the Dragonslayer fromBerserklook average-sized, but it is also broad enough to work well as a shield.
This was the main weapon that Raime AKA the Fume Knight used inDark Souls 2and it was terrifying to fight against. Now, in the hands of a player, this thing will absolutely flatten any enemy foolish enough to get close, and this is especially true thanks to its Weapon Skill, Stomp.
Despite how seriouslyBloodborne’sLovecraftian atmosphere seems to take itself, this game has its fair share of hilariously designed weapons in it. Whether it’s the Amygdala Arm, Logarius' Wheel, or the Whirligig Saw, all of these weapons, on a conceptual level, are cartoonishly silly. However, when they’re actually used, these weapons end up being pretty brutal to use against the creatures of Yharnam.
Still, even the ‘Pizza Cutter’ that is the Whirligig saw has nothing on one of the last weapons players will obtain in Bloodborne, the Kos Parasite. This weapon is obtained from the Orphan of Kos, arguablythe most difficult and ‘final’ boss ofBloodborne. Yet, instead of getting the same placenta-flail weapon the Orphan of Kos used, players get the Kos Parasite instead, a weapon that has them swinging around their arms (which are now tentacles) like they’re some sort of furious octopus. And the best part of all, this weapon is also strong statistically, it’s not just a ‘joke weapon’.
Last up for the From Software gamesis the most recent release,Elden Ring. NowElden Ringhas hundreds of weapons in it, with a good handful of them being easily defined as ‘absurd’ or ‘ridiculous’. Weapons such as the Grafted Blade Greatsword, Wing of Astel, Ripple Blade, Rusted Anchor, or even the Envoy Horns. Yet, like so many other entries on this list, one specific weapon inElden Ringstands above the rest when it comes to being completely ‘weird’, and that’s the Ringed Finger Hammer.
There’s not much to say about it honestly, the weapon speaks for itself. The Ringed Finger Hammer is, as the name implies, a gigantic finger that’s been covered in equally gigantic rings that players can swing around as a weapon. However, horrifyingly enough, the finger is still somewhat ‘alive’ and actually has an attack called the Claw Flick which has the finger (and this is no joke) ‘flicking’ whatever target is in front of it for a decent amount of damage.
Finally, let’s start talking about games outside of the From Software games, starting withNioh 2. There are quite a few weapon types that players can use in this game, from Tonfas to Splitstaffs and even Kusarigamas. However, all of these weapons are pretty practical in terms of their designs.
As it turns out, the most ‘absurd’ looking weapon inNioh 2is barely even a weapon at all, as it’s apair of Gauntlets that go over William’s fistscalled the Scampuss Fists. These are named after the adorable (but also offputting) creatures called the Scampuss inNioh 2, and these fists allow any player to turn their character into a cat fanatic, mowing down Yokai with their paw pads of power.
Hellpointis one of those Soulslikes that everyone has heard the name of at least once, but not a ton of people have actually sat down and played. For those who haven’t heard of thisbeloved indie game, think Soulslike in Space with a Lovecraftian/Occultism horror atmosphere.
The weapons in this game are all very true to the sci-fi blended with an occult theme, with Victim’s Poker being one of the earliest (and best) examples. This thing is quite literally just a sword/club that players swing around with some otherworldly creature’s organ just sitting in the middle of. There are a few other weapon examples inHellpointthat would easily fit in with the rest of this list, but the Victim’s Poker felt like the best representation overall.
Next up is probably the most ‘plain’ looking weapon on here, but it’s the circumstances around the weapon that make it so ridiculous. There are a decent number of arguably ‘ridiculous’ weapons inLies of P, from the gigantic wrench to a bone-cutting saw with a blade that almost matches Pinocchio’s height on its own,but the Golden Lie is still the ‘sweetest’ example.
The reason for it being on here is as follows, to get the Golden Lie players will need to ensure and lie at every opportunity they have whileprogressing throughLies of P(or by listening to records, etc). Then, after bringing the ‘Portrait of the Boy’ back to Hotel Krat and continuing to lie, players will notice the nose of the boy in the portrait is fully extending out of the painting itself. After a certain point, they’ll be able to interact with the (now absurdly long) nose and ‘extract’ it to get the Golden Lie staff. That’s right, this weapon has Pinocchio using the ‘nose’ of his own portrait as a weapon.
To be quite honest, a good 70 percent of the weapons in theSurge 2armory could work on this list. Compared to all the weapons in any of the other games on here, almost all ofThe Surge 2’sweaponry is over-the-top, and that’s by design. However, that’s only when they’re compared to other games. Compared to each other, there’s only one weapon inTS2that makes the cut, the Protest Sign.
This is just an actual cardboard sign that players can use as a weapon that they’ll see protestors in-game using. Not only is that concept hilarious on its own but given how futuristic the game and weaponry are inThe Surge 2, using a cardboard sign in comparison to those weapons somehow feels even worse than using a stick compared to a sword.
Last up isSteelrising, arelatively easy Soulslikethat garnered some attention, and is ultimately well-received in general.Steelrising’ssetting is an alternate version of the French Revolution, one in which robotics have progressed at this point to the level of sci-fi.
So, a lot of the weapons, being used by an automaton, are both mechanical and easily foldable. However, the Body of Work ‘hammer’ is basically just magic. No sci-fi explanation here, these Alchemical Scrolls have some odd runic language written on them thats both unable to be read and strong enough that just putting them on a stick makes for a pretty amazing weapon.
